Disclaimer
A friend of mine/fellow blogger has been under fire lately. He's has gotten emails from people critising his comments and views. In one of the emails I was mentioned in a neg-tve light for comments I've made. Let me stress one thing first while I'm still hot about this. This not IS NOT FOR YOU. This isn't an oral history about events that you were a part of. This isn't documented fact or should be used to in an effort to name call or judge people for their actions. This is now and will always be about things I want to just talk about the millisecond I am writing whatever I'm writing about. I may be upset or be jovial about a topic and write that I am in one moment, but I also have the freedom to completly change my mind and opinion on whatever two seconds later. This isn't supposed to be a forum for people to have hurt feelings. This isn't an honor roll of who my friends are and a showcase of who and what I value. What I talk to my friends and family about on a daily basis is usually completely differnt to what is posted up here.
To friends and family that know me and are reading this...I trust you...I trust that you won't hold things against me and also will understand where I'm coming from. This isn't also a substitute to contacting me or finding out whats really going on. I would love to hear from everyone. To people who think poorly of me and are upset...well, this isn't yours. It will never be yours. And you might as well go onto to blogger.com and write up your on thoughts and opinions. If pete can put his heart and soul into a blog, you can too.
I try to have some discretion because the whole idea of what I'm doing here is to keep track of stories and events that happened during my time in Russia. Some of you may not know this, but when I was living in they UK I had this little black diary book. I took that book everywhere with me and wrote in it daily, just little bullet points on how I felt, how much money I had left, and what happened during the day. I loved that diary book and kept it till the Fall where I accidently lost in France. I was really upset. A whole year of memories and thoughts gone during a really transitional point in my life. I used to also write in notebook and journals when I was younger too. I like to look back on how things were, cause really I'm the only person that truely knows how I felt at any given moment. Right now I'm annoyed and don't really feel like blogging. There are riots going on in Paris. Things blowing up in India, and trailer trash people seeking justice. I'll let them all get back to their reality. As for me, I'm going on a trip this week. I hope I'll feel better about all this later.
Sorted for the weekend
Sunday Sunday (cue Blur track)...It was a good restful sunday. God bless the extra hour of sleep I got. Tim and Tasha called me this morning to drag me out of bed. They wanted to go to the Diner and have breakfast. I like spending time with my non-work friends. I like spending time away from the office. Its cold here now and all the russians remind me that THIS ISN'T COLD weather...its not cold yet. Oh great.
Afterwards, we went out on the town, did some window shopping at Garbushka, and picked up some groceries. Went back to Tim's place and watched some goofy things on television before making my way around home. Nothing like seeing friends ina non-stressful, casual way to put a cap on a relaxing weekend
As I sit here, I gleefully watch PULP-GREATEST HITS : THE VIDEOS on the television. Oh Candida...Do you remember the bear? Another long story...I like these guys, I used to like them a heck of a lot more though.....I usually overdoes on bands and than can't listen to anything of theres after a while. Its such a trip to listen to this stuff and remember 1995-1997 time period.
For my HS graduation gift, my parents paid for me to go to the UK to visit Omar in London. On the flight over I met the guys from Nitzer Ebb and they invited me to their concert. I never did though.
Anyways when I was in London, I got caught up in Pulp Mania. I wanted to live like Common People, and do whatever common people do....It wasn't until I moved to the UK where I completly understood the song and realized why it was so upsetting and insulting. You don't want to be part of the Common people, being poor isn't cool. I remember reading all these life stories of Jarvis, feeling like a loser while he was still at home and his friends went on with thier futures and lives. I graduated school HS and was going to school nearby by car (UIC). No one was around that I knew and I was working as well delivering Pizza. Dark times. Its good now to smile and listen to music from that time. There was a whole "Sod It" mentality with it all. It'll all work itself out....and in some ways it did. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah......
The world is ours....
I'm looking forward to 2005 ending. It was a really intense year. I managed to blog many stories from the year so I'm happy about that. I also lost an organ and have a new digestive tract (me minus galbladder.) When looking forward to next year, one starts thinking about holidays and where one wants to go on vacation next year. Dan and I were both discussing holidays over the phone. He and Sarah are curious about coming to Moscow. I think Steven and Diep are also looking into it. Hey, come on out. 2006 is a GREAT time to make a trip...don't wait till 2007. Trust me.
One of my favorite blog patrons was under the impression that I've traveled to South America. Alas, that continent and Oceana (Australia) are the 2 continents I've never visited. I hope in time that does change.
Let me take inventory of all the places in the world I've been too. This isn't a brag list, its meant for me to keep track.
Countries/Places Visited in Lifetime :
England, France, Spain, Monaco, Czech Repiblic, Slovakia, Austria, Canada, Germany, Netherlands, Italy, Mallorca, Vatican City (cheap, I know) Hungary, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, S. Korea, N.korea (3 min), Japan, Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong, Malaysia, China, Pakistan, Qatar, Phillapeans, Taiwon, Hawaii (US), Macau, Russia, Cyprus, Sweden (this week), Mexico, Turkey, Kamchatka(part of Russia), Vietnam, Egypt, Switzerland
I've supposedly been to Copenhagen when I was a little kid which doesn't count. My danish friends would not allow that to count..I should go visit them one day. If anyone can alphabetize those country names, I will re-edit my blog and thank you for the help!
Cities I've lived in : Chicago, IL, Bartlett, IL; Naperville, IL; Seoul S. Korea, Urbana-Champaign, IL, Wayne, NJ, London, UK, Moscow, Russian Federation.
God I hate moving around so much.
Where I want to go (not necessarily next year) Iceland, Italy again and again, South Africa, Australia/NZ, Dubai, India, Portugal (why not?), Islands of the Carribian (Antiqua, Barbados, St. Kits), Brazil, Argentina, Terra del Fuago., Chile, Belize, Denmark, Berlin(!), Mongolia, Japan again, Korea again, Vancouver, Alaska, Oregon, Maine (ok, let me leave US out of this), Sisters place in St. Thomas, Seychelles, African Safari, Pau Pau New Guinea, Fiji.
Now if I don't make it to all these places, so be it...I've been all over anyway. All these places I've mentioned have made me tired! just thinking about all that traveling. I've gotten excited about the idea of a cruise lately. I found out that its not just a boat on water where you are trapped and you have to pay a ton of money to eat. They have movie theatres and SPAS! and all this other stuff where you can just go and relax.
Ksenia was asking me the other day (after placing all my plane tickets in her safe keeping) when the last time I took a real vacation where for a whole week I got 8 hours of good sleep and truely rested. I couldn't remember. She gave me this whole lecture about how THAT is what you should be doing with your time off, resting instead of rushing around america, sleeping 4 hours and buying junk. She's right in a way. She's usually right. God I hate her..
Dan was mentioning that he wanted to go to Ankor Wat Cambodia.
Now Dan, its not close to Russia, we can't go there when you come visit me here. Ankor wat does look beautiful. Did you all see that video of that guy who travels the world and just dances and dances. I think he ended up in Ankor wat. Looked really nice. The scene of him at a Thai Red light district was a bit dogdy though...Maybe it was by accident. I've accidently ended up in those areas before...I'm sticking to that story.
Worshiping false idols
There is this girl in the office who has been getting fresh flowers sent to her at work every week. This week the flowers came on Friday. Normally they come on Monday. This has been going on for the past 3 months. I decided to ask Ira what was going on. Supposedly some guy really really likes her and has been sending her flowers every week. Is it her boyfriend.....no. In fact her boyfriend is now her fiance. It turns out its some guy who really really wants her. He sends her flowers, buys her presents, and is always doing things for her.
Does she like him? She says that she's not interested. Does this guy know that she's engage.....no. She said "Why would my boyfriend care anyways....he doesn't need to know really.., also I like getting things." This guy, I mean is trying hard to get her attention. He's using his wallet to do so. I seen this before. Guys being really into someone and just spending away to get some girls attention. I've also seen the girl keeping quiet about her non-desires in order to keep getting attention. I don't know, isn't there a part of love that includes respect and honesty? At the end of that day, its what you don't say that could get you in more trouble.
I've gone through that phase where I was a doormat. God I hated it. For some reason I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I was like that Ducke guy from the Pretty in Pink movie. The cheerful friend who was there for the girl, respectful, was always there, but saw his devotion running away with a nice haircut and a convertible. Flirting is VERY powerful. I see women use this trait all the time to get what they want. My sister and I had a funny experience at a K-Mart blowout sale. We more of less walked out with most of the great goods for nothing. Chad tried doing the same thing but was denied...poor chad.
I don't know why I get so resentful when I see this kind of stuff. I guess this whole thing about not being direct just bugs me. Even when I was in High School and Jessie was getting these girls we knew to buy us tickets and take us places, I still would sit them down and tell them that they were being used and should put up with it. For these girls, maybe there was some self-esteen issues involved. What's funny is when I tell this story to my guy friends, some of them ask me where these girls are now, cause they could use a Herum of women buying them tickets and cooking for them.
Chitown Wins
Well, congratulations are in order to White Sox fans. Chicago has finally won a world series. I think because nothing really happened in baseball while I was growing up, I never was a huge fan of the sport. Its HUGE in NY but that's probably cause the Yankees always win. Yes yes, I've never been to Wrigley field. This last April for my birthday, my friend Jason took me to my first ever baseball game. It was a lot of fun and something I wouldn't mind doing again with him. There is nothing better than a gift that is an experience.
I had little to no exposure to the playoffs or the games. One morning though i stumbles on Game 3 of the world series on Russian Sport TV. I called Chad up (cause he's always awake) and i discovered that the game in Russia was on a 4 second delay. It would have been great if I was on the phone with chad and went to a bar and "predicted" all the actions and yelled them out to everyone. Of course, its highly unlikey I'd be going to a bar at 8:30am. If I was, I would have other issues that I'd probably need to deal with first.
5 more months of misery
sigh...well today is day one of winterfest 2005/2006. I hope everyone will enjoy it as much as I will. The slush, the wet shoes, the cold wind, the snow that will never melt and it reminds you of dirt after a while. Delayed flights, more traffic, dangerous driving, and snow trucks. Winter Advisories, wind-chill alerts, dark days, long nights. Bundle up...its going to be a long one..
Criticism
From nick to me, after having yet again another embarressing day at work.
Rules Every Sales - Trader should know and follow:
1. Problems won't go away if you avoid them
2. Confront the client and the issue at hand, don't dance around the topic. Be direct.
3. Be a storyteller. Anyone can read the screens. Give them value for their call.
Conclusion: I'm terrible as a Russian Sales-Trader
I took a lot of criticism today. I'm not good at getting criticism but i do like hearing it. I want to do and be better. By the end of this abusive day, I stopped talking to him cause he went from being constructive to being mean...probably out of boredom. He knew he crossed the line too. He saw that I was upset when I life the office. He called me on my cell a few times but i was on the phone already. He than texted me late tonight "don't hate me...please" We work and socialize too closely at time. Maybe it was a good idea to do differnt things this evening. Went out with a differnt set of friends that have really nothing to do with work.
You know, his rules are helpful and he is right. I'm very willing to conceed to people when they are right, esp when pointing out things that i need to improve with. I'm not going to give up though.....This has to be one of the most complicated relationships I've had. Its just me and him in our whole firm that do what we do...and he's the best at it. I know he wants me to be better. Maybe I hate it that I disapoint him. Before I start linking this all back to my dad and math homework in 7th grade, I better go downstairs, have soe juice, and go to sleep. Every few weeks I have an upseting day like this...Lets see what tomorrow brings...
no longer the loner, thanks to jojo
I'm not saying my friend scott is a loner. I'm just referencing a beatles lyric. I like lyrical blog titles. I can call scott other things. We tend to have a lot of dirt on each other, but loner wouldn't be a good word to describe him.
I went to visit Scott in Ragleigh N. Carolina this past Sept. Well, I wouldn't call it a visit per se. It was one of my typical Farhan trips. In 2002 while Scott was living in Germany, I flew to see him for a total of 32 hours. That was one crazy trip and of course we were almost killed be some angry men in Frankfurt but I'll spare that story for another rainy day. This Sept I flew in, played around with his new dog jo-jo, went to see coldplay, and then flew out the next morning to NYC.
Its actually become a yearly right of passage to visit scott. I've been visiting him every year since he's left Urbana. He's also visited me in NYC/Chicago/London many times as well. Maybe the key to our friendship is that we only see each other for a few days and max out our time.
Even when he was working on his MBA, I would drive down to Urbana for dinner or we'd go see some event in town. He's now in N. Carolina working on his PH D in I think Electical Engineering. Yes...you will be able to call him Dr. Scott in a few years.
Well, long story short. Another friend has decided to take the plung as my friend is getting married next year. Its now 3 years in a row that I'll be going to summer weddings. I guess that's what the future holds when you get older. Weddings, divorces, birthday parties for people's kids, getting married again, roller derby, death squads, alien invasions, the robot wars, THE DECEPTICONS!, etc...
Scott just got a dog this summer. Like me, he's never had a dog or any major pet growing up. He has some hesitation and some concern about getting an animal but Robyn, his girlfriend at the time (now his fiance) really really wanted a dog. She used to work at a doggie day care and is nuts about them. In fact she bought a VW hatchback with dreams of her dog riding comfortably in the back. We talked about the whole dog issue in the past. I've never had a major pet of my own besides fish and some birds. Sometimes the thought of pets is daunting cause I do not wish to harm or forget about them as a responsibility. Scott felt the same way. After moving in together and Scotts nerves became relaxed, he told her that they could start LOOKING for a dog. She went out the next day and brought jo-jo back from the shelter. He came home and was a dog owner.
Jo-jo is a very hyperactive animal. They think he may have be abused...but they love her to bits. Scott knew he wanted to propose to Robyn, but was looking for a creative way to do so. Her parents fedex'd over an airloom ring (he asked permission w/father first) and he tie'd a bow around jo-jo the dog (with a basket around her neck). When Robyn came home, jo-jo jumped up on her, and presented her with her suprise. Easy to say she was overjoyed and said yeah.
Scott called me this weekend to tell me the tale. Their wedding is July 1st next year. After he told me he said "um...you might have to be the best man..." hah....I asked him back "Are you asking me or...?!" and he did ask if I was around and would honor him. I was touched to be honest. I was my good friend steven's best man in 04. Boy did I learn a lot of what not to do with Steven...but in the end I had a great time and it all went off really well. (he's still married at least!). I mean considering that I go to N. Carolina every year, I might as well firm up the time in when I do it. If its for a wedding, than hey...free cake. Hope Scott realizes that I'll only be in town for 30 hours or so. Knowing our karma, we will also get ourselves in some trouble as well before the ceremony....that is one tradition that will never change....
...And all I ever knew...
Today is my parents' wedding anniversary. They were married in 1969. My dad was 28/29 and my mom was 24 or something like that. They seem to still be pretty happy so kudos for them. Not everyone has been so lucky to be with someone that they also consider to be one of their closest friends. So to them..I wish them happy anniversary
I was walking the streets of Moscow this morning and saw a funny sight. This bride, all dressed up, was waiting outside this convenience store. All of a sudden this man in a Tux comes out with bottles of champagne. He takes her by the hand and walks her across the street. They don't enter their car or anything...no...they decide to hitchhike or hail a "russian cab". It was such a bizarre scene. To see this woman squeeze into the back seat of an old Russian Chjaguli car. While her new husband negotiated the fare and got in after her.
I smiled and took a secret photo. There was something sweet about the moment. They may not have a car, or be throwing a huge party, but they have each other. They found what they wanted to be happy, and I guess that is all that they really need. Russians don't have weddings in churches. In fact its common that people go down the courthouse and get married during their lunch break. The woman would get dresses up, and they'd sign their papers and that would be that. Not often friends are invited. Its a pirvate moment b/w the couple. Afterwards they drive around town and take photos of themselves at all the attractions and possibly later they may throw a dinner for their families where there is a LOT of vodka involved.
There is something really beautiful about that moment when two people are alone during the ceremony and make that silent but public bond to spend forever with each other. It was a moment that overwhelmed my friends dan and sarah at their wedding. I saw it on their faces. It was touching.
As for my parents, I plan on calling them later today to wish them well. I wonder if they still do anything special on this day for each other. Am I supposed to by them something? This is really their accomplishment, I had a little to do with it. If I do get married, I would still expect everyone to buy me presents for my anniversary. I mean come on, its a huge feat to find someone and make that commitment. I deserve at least a new apple video ipod for that. Well that's many years away at least. By then I expect my own jet booster pack or something.
datcha nights
Had a very fufilling saturday. I woke up at a reasonable time, did some laundry and washed up my place a bit. Afterwards I was motivated enough to head to the gym. What really motivated to go was that I finally uploaded the new albums I've gotten onto my ipod shuffle so I wanted to work out and listen to all those killer tracks. And yes the band the Killers is on my Ipod. They remind me of Pulp for some reason.
After the workout, i rememberd that nick invited me to spend some time at his datcha (country house) to spend time with his family. I've met his wife a few times and she's pretty cool, but I've never met his two kids. I drove all the way through traffic to the Moscow country club and had a really relaxing evening.
Nick and I chatted for a while while his wife got dinner ready. He asked me for my picks on college football and baseball...gambling again...All of a sudden the nanny came home with the kids and it was little Kira time. Kira is his 2 year old daughter....the apple of his eye. He turns to putty when she's around. Every other day or so, nicks wife would take digital pictures of her at home, doing cute things and send them to nick at work. Nick would open up these emails at work with glee and sit there quietly and stare at his little baby girl. He'd grin and show the pictures to me. "Thats my little girl....best thing I ever did". I've seen tons of photos of her but never met her before.
She learned a new word recently..."Somalyot" which is russian for airplane. She loves airplanes and wants people to draw them for her. She gets all excited when you draw her or make her an airplane. I played around with Kira for a while. My airplane had a really complicated engine system. I drew in elevators flaps and 4 engines on the wing. Her parents were amused with my attention to detail on some parts of the picture but my unrealistic scaling of the actual airplane body.
This reminded me of when I lived with my sister and her little kids. You know some people get all hung up with the whole birth thing and the whole diaper/crying issues having kids, but they are little people and they can really amaze you. No, I'm not saying i'm yearning for fatherhood, but it would be something i could see myself becoming if life permits.
We has a nice relaxing meal in the outskirts of moscow, in nicks log cabin datcha. We than put on some mushy romantic comedys (the one where J.lo is a dog walker, and the one with ashton kitcher and the photographer). It got late so I was invited to spend the night in the country at pete's datcha (next door) and sleep. I woke up the next morning with the smell of rain and forrest permiating the room. Not the smell of smog and industry...but of nature. Went out for a nice walk through the forrest with pete, had breakfast with nick family again....drew another somalyot and made my drive back to my russian metropolis. Its nice to have a break and be with nature. It may be colder, but nothing can be more soothing than the outdoor air and time in a warm home recharging for the week ahead.
Tumbling Dice
Thursday, 2 for the money thursday...yes the gang got together again for one of our traditional extravagent movie nights. Let me start at the beginning. About 3 weeks ago, I was bored at work and was scowering the net. I stoped at IMBD.com and read about this movie called "two for the money". A movie about a man who picks 80% winners for 2 years for gamblers in the NFL...but than greed sets in and his cold streak begins. Watch a movie about gamblers who are willing to bet it all.
Now I work with some of the biggest gamblers I've ever met. Every night before we leave the office, they log onto one of the many online UK gambling sites and bet away. I've seen them win and lose my years salary in a single night. Its scary. In fact there are a lot of gambaling addicts on Wall Street. Pete can make our firm such amazing money cause as a market maker he can lay our chips on the table and take a chance that the market will go our way. In some ways its good that he's a gambler. At least for the sake of business, but there have been days where he's been caught on the wrong side of the trade. In fact this May, it got SO bad that he was forced into a two week time out. Those were dark times for my friend...I used to go out to see movies with him while he wasn't working. He was really shaken up and he didn't think he'd be back. He did return and we managed to bring our book back from the red.
I'm getting sidetracked here, but I told pete about this movie and then noticed that it was going to playing at the american cinema in 3 weeks time. Pete got all excited and called it 2 for the Thursday. He called up all our friends and made it an event. Come on guys...lets go see a movie about gamblers..a movie about us! We even had a 2 for the thursday countdown.
So today, it finally came. We all raced after work to Slavenskaya to Sumosan Moscow (best sushi in town). dima, richard, pete + date, raf, and a bunch of other people all came. Pete did not want to miss the beginning. Knowing pete, everyone was joking about how we were going to see his life story.
We all sat down in the theatre and watched the movie. When the guy started gambling, the guys started to tease pete by whispering "Peytar!" (russian pronunciation of Peter) loudly during the film. It was funny for a while. The guy making tons of money..."Peyter!"....the guy being picky with clothes and fooling around with beautiful women...."Peyter"....making tons of money at work and laughing about it...."Peyter!". Then all of a sudden the movie took a dark twist....he started losing money, and the company almost went bankrupt. During these scenes, we still whispered "peyter" but our tone changed from sillyness to slight concern. Finally the main character is in the bathroom, laying in a fetal position and freaking out cause of all his losses and from all the pressure to win it back.....Dima than whispered out a really quiet but concerned "Peyter?!?!!?" out loud. We became really worried for pete. Of course pete's bubbly russian date had no clue what we were getting on about...
The movie had other moral dilemas as well. These gamblers had issues with the norms and rules of society. They wanted cash and they wanted to win it by chance. They wanted to buy the thing that most people get through years of work..they wanted to buy sucess, the feeling of victory and power. One of the main gamblers in the film even "gambled" on his relationship. He was willing to lost his wife cause he just could not stop. That aspect really hit me cause i saw the same traits in some of my gambling friends. They knew that if their partners would be upset if they knew about their "extra-ciricular" love interests. Going to certain places, they were also gambling their health. They are willing to lose it all. Everything that makes them happy. The thought of that scared the crap out of me and like usual I had to remind myself that I'm not like that. We may all have some things in common, but I'm not a gambler. I treasure the things that make me happy, inc whatever health I have. Its shocking.
I do have a gambling story. I'm not sure I blogged about it...before or not. Last November when I first arrived in Moscow, I was given the grand tour of all the city had to offer. It was a stressful time and I wanted to at least try to associate with my compainions. nick took me out all night and it was one of those nights where you get home really late and realize that you still have work the next day. Anyways, before the night ended, we went to a Casino at 3am. Nick layed down $3k in cash on the roulette table and got his chips ready for the night. I stood by and watched him turn those $3k into $32k. I was in awe and learned how the spinning roulette table worked. It seemed easy. I was a bit out of it at the time but I still was curious. In a spirit of generocity, nick gave me $1k in chips and said "have fun kid". Well I took those chips and in 25min I went from $1k to close to $10,000 USD. Nick came up to me at the table as said "what are you an idiot, no one makes 10x their money...walk away". Did I listen!?!?....no...I thought to myself..."this isn't my money...I'm just having fun anyways". Low and behold, within 2 min...i lost everything. Nick laughed the whole time as I was losing. He thought it was classic.
This was right before thanksgiving. I ended up spending the whole thanksgiving weekend telling this story over and over again for nick's amusement. At thanksgiving dinner he even had the children make "The $10,000 loser kid" name tag for me. I still kick myself for that. You know how much money $10K! is! oh god. Se la Vie
So there it goes. My only gamlbing story really. I'm not a gambler. I've taken some risks, but most of my risks were hedged. For instance, I moved to the UK but I fully knew that if it got to be too much, I had a round trip ticket and with a snap of a finger I could be back at my parents place living my old life. I moved to NY but I stayed with my sister and never really left her home until i was financially able to be on my two feet. I moved to moscow but it was nicely packaged and like the UK, if I change my mind, I'm not going to be homeless or sick or anything. I take opportunites. Isn't that what they say...opportunity is timing plus intuition. I think situations out, and experience things to keep growing. I challenge myself to new things and situations, without risking my own health or losing people I love. Or at least I hope I'm not.
After the movie we all gave pete a big hug and noticed that he was a bit shaken up. He liked the movie but was a bit into it, more than he thought he'd be. He couldn't wait to go home and check to see if tiger woods was leading the golf tourneyment he layed $80k on. Its hard for people to change, but hopefully in time you may be able to take a step back before you end up losing more than you gambled.
boys keep swinging
I was reading one of these typical blogs that I read when I'm bored at work and this person had this two way conversation about men and women and just dealing with people. In respose to a girl who was frustrated with questions that she finds every boyfriend bringing forth "in his own insecure, self-protecting way", some guy wrote back the following:
"This particularly masochistic strain of morbid curiosity is a bizarre trait that most of us menfolk seem to have, yes ma'am. Maybe it's a want (need) for comparison, or some unhealthy competitive/possessive impulse that we've all had ingrained in us from growing up in western society.....All that I can definitively say is that sometimes, whether intentionally or not, we sabotage our own happiness. *shrugs*"
This exchange was interesting to read, and also somewhat timely considering conversations I've been having with people. There is this self-protective, self-worth struggle we get into at times. My father has just turned 65, and should be looking forward to retirement. Instead he is dreading it, thinking that not bringing home a check would impact his self worth. I did remind him that when he wasn't working before it wasn't by his own choice and if his mindset was focused on relaxation and enjoying himself, he'd be fine. He's also going to be moving to Michigan again. If he only had a certain skill set he probably could have stayed in chicago. I could hear him beat him self up a little bit over that. He been really sucessfull career wise and has many things to be happy about, but still there is this comparison he does with others as well as his own inability at times to look on the bright side. I'm not saying he's depressive, his constant self-flogging has made him very driven.
Since the main flux of the initial conversation was about relationships, I guess I should comment on that in regards to myself. I like most people have had my share of bad relationships. There was even an "I hate Farhan" website for the hardcore. (Thanks Steven for getting that taken down). My guy friends have also had their fair share of heartache. I guess there is something in us to keep trying after all the ups and downs. No matter where I am in the world, someone out there I know is having relationship problems. Its funny, I supposedly give people decent advice on the matter but lack tons of experience on the subject. At times it seems that fear is the biggest enemey of people who are trying to be comfortable in relationships. Am I doing the right thing? Will I regret this? Am I setting myself up to get hurt? I see others happy, what do they know/do that I'm not getting..? I'm no angel myself, but I did find it interesting that outside in the cyber world, there are other men that complain and point out this condition that maybe heavily prevalent on the Y chromosome. And in regards to fear, sometimes you just need to have some faith in things and in people. You are not in control of every situation or of other people. Just keep an open mind and let things happen.
In recent years I've stopped the whole comparism game in regards to career and place in life with other people. Its just not a line of thought that leads to any resolution and is a complete buzzkill.
My suggestion...If you are sitting around thinking up problems and wondering why X Y and Z are happening and not happening than maybe it time to get busy doing other things. Re-discover old hobbies or activities you've stopped doing before your new found depression. Its like what happened on that show lost. People who were hypokondriacs spent the whole initial days on the island obsessing about their rashes cause they had really nothing else to do. Once they started to play golf, they all started to feel a whole lot better about things...And in regards to relationships, I think you know deep down weather you are in the right one or not. Sometimes its hard to make the right choices. I still wish that the old man from Indiana Jones Last Crusade movie was walking around with me. The little's choices I make he can be there and say "Son, you choose wisely" and that package of pudding i scarfed down has lead me to imortality. Of course I wouldn't want to choose poorly by ordering in dodgy indian food and turn myself into dust because of it. This is my second indiana jones reference this week. I guess this warrants a picture of H. Ford on the blog. Thanks Chad for the picture.
Are you excited?
I don't know what it was or what came over me....I was in Peoria, IL. It was the day before my friend Dan's wedding and we decided to go out shopping for last min items. Well, I usually have to do my massive last min shopping before I head back to my fortress of solitude in the arctic. I still am kicking myself for forgetting to buy pepto, but I'm getting lost with my point here.
I'm at Target and low and behold the DVD version of Stallone's FIRST BLOOD was in the clearance aisle for 9.44 and what really got me going was the huge sticker on the DVD slipcase stating "INCLUDES NEVER BEFORE SEEN ALTERNATE SUICUDE ENDING!!!" I saw that caption, grabbed the DVD and yelled out to Dan "oh my god! Never before seen alternate suicide ending! I have to buy this".
I don't know about you, but any movie that has an alternate never before seen suicide ending sounds really interesting. Especially if it’s for a movie where it wasn't really appropriate for the characters to just random want to kill themselves. Can you just imagine the Alternate Suicide ending of Indiana Jones? Or the Never before ending of ET heading off into space and then detonating his craft out of depression. I guess it doesn't work for every movie. The NEVER BEFORE SEEN suicide ending for "DYING YOUNG" would have been a bit depressing. I have a really embarrassing Dying Young the movie story. Lucky the girl whom I was love sick over has dropped off the face of the planet, so that one is going to stay hidden. Kwag is still around though...I have to keep him quiet.
All of a sudden a whole rush of memories from Korea just came into my head. My first date ever (it was a double date with Omar and his lady friend). We went to the US Military base and didn't know what to do to entertain our dates. We took them to the library and said "Hey, lets look up books for our history class assignment" That didn't go over very well. Omar took me over to the book stacks and started to panic. "Farhan, we don't know anything about women, what are we doing in the Library?!" We than quickly went to a book store (what's with this obsession I had with books?!) and I offered to buy the ladies magazines. We sat outside and read our magazines. We than went to see the movie Falling Down with Michael Douglas. The severity of the movie was too much that Omar's date Natasha ran out of the theatre afterwards crying and that was that. You know come to think of it, there was a suicide ending of sorts at the end of that movie. I don't expect to be buying that DVD on impulse any time soon.
As for First blood, Chances are I might not watch it. I saw it in freshman year of college and was amused and excited by the over the top speech Stallone gives in the end. I used to be a more excitable teenager. Well, I'm blogging again....that should keep some of you excited for at least a few mins. Yes my friends...the nonsense returns.
movie nikitskaya
I come home after going grocery shopping and the whole back parking area of my apartment complex is filled with cars. There was a few fans and a trailor and they were all huddled at my back door. Also this huge spot light was being blasted on the side of the building. The vans had the the company name "MOSFILM" on them so I knew it meant only one thing....Commiwood has come to my home!
I'm dragging groceries into the apartment and my driver is happily following as he is just as curious as I am about all the hullabalu. I walk up the stairs, dodging grips and gaffers as I get closer and closer to my door. It seemed the cloer I got to my place, the more complicated it was to get there. It turns out they were shooting a scene right in my hallway, outside my door. The people were dressed as if it was a period piece movie and of course this big pakistani guy definatly would throw the whole movie off.
Vladimir was all excited. He recognized one of the actors as this big wig Russian movie star. At least that is what I think he was getting at. My driver only speak Russian and I THINK I know what he's getting at usually. Either there was a huge star he was happy to see, or he was putting a curse on me making sure I would never have children because I didn't give him last friday off. Who knows...but I'll choose to believe the former.
Smashing tennisballs
Talkington and I scored some tickets to the Kremlin Cup finals. In the tennis world for all your non-tennis land lovers (pirates actually have evolved and now play tennis) there are 5 tiers of professional tennis tournaments. Grand-Slam, and than tier's 1-4. The higher the number, the worse the money,points and prestige. The Kremlin cup is a tier 1 event so its important for these players to come to this event. And also its something to do in town.
Not wanting to bring a typical airhead model with me as a date to tennis, i had an extra ticket and wanted to bring someone along. I met a friend of Cracker a few weeks back who just moved to Moscow. His family owns this company that was going public so now he's about to make a tonne of money and not have to work again and he's only 30-something. Anyways this friend of cracker's name is Tim and is a really nice guy. I invited him out with talkington and talkington's lovely model date.
We are watching the tennis in our amazing seats at the Russian Olympic Stadium from 1980 Olympics (the one the USA didn't show up for). The plus side to the venue is that its in the city, but its a really old run down soviet sports hall. Whats funny is that they have the tennis courts in one corner of the arena and have this curtain and bleechers to block out the rest of the place that wasn't being used.
We are sitting there, killing our backs and patiently watching the women's final match. I like watching women's tennis maybe more than the mens. Besides obvious reasons, its a shorter game and they tend to be more unpredictable, while Federer of Swizterland make the men's finals very one sided. We watched ms Pierce win with ease and than went to the stadium resturant to a bite to eat and also as an excuse to stop sitting in those uncomfortable seats (we are all old men!) At this resutrant it took them 2 hours to serve us and only one of us got food. We got up and left because we were getting really really hungry.
On our way back to the arena, my date tim sees a poster and realizes that S. Stozer and her partner were playing in the women's double's final that day. It turns out that my new friend rents out rooms in his house to professional tennis players during Wimbledon to cut down on costs for them. Ms. Stozer was a struggling Australian tennis player 4 years back when she started to stay with tim every summer in London. She's come a long way since than. She's now ranked 63 in the whole world in singles play and is one of the top double players in the world. This year she won the australian open and the US open in NY this last Sept.
Anyways, tim had her number on his phone and tried texting her before the match. obviously she was busy getting ready to win $200K and a major tennis tournament. She came out to the court and I started to shout out to get her attention but Tim stopped me. "Farhan, if she see's me here, she'll get so confused and spooked that she might lose the match!" At first i thought that was ludacris, just like the MTS cheerleaders in the stands. (MTS, cell phone company, had cheerleaders to cheer for their CEO when he handedout trophies....gosh to run a company!). I than thought about it more and decided to keep my mouth should and let her win.
Happily so, she won and than while in the locker room wrote to us that she wanted to meet up at her hotel afterwards for dinner. New friend tim and I were really excited about that and left talkington and his model to continue their discussion about how tennis balls are green to themselves.
We got to the Sheraton and stay there for most of the night. We were hanging out with her and her aussie friends, her partner and her female tennis couch. Her couch is dating this professional golfer that won the US open golf tournament. Supposdely lebianism runs rampant in female tennis and golf. This is what they told me so I'm not being a jerk here. I normally play it cool with "celebraties" but I just had to askher 1K questions. How was it to win the US open, do you get to keep that huge fake check? How is it to travel the world 11 months of the year? Do you hate the lifestyle? Is it wierd that its on the internet how much you made this year in winnings (so far $600K for her) Do you get neat things from sponsers? One of her sponsers was SonyErickson. She had the same cellphone I have. We talked about cellphones and Sony Psps for a while. Gadgets keep you company when you travel the world.
She and her friends started to gossip about the tennis world and about other players and all the dramas. It turns out that professional sports sometimes is like high school. Well it makes sence since most of these people are like 15 when they start and they stay in that mentality for a while. So many rumors and emails and induendo. "I hear she called her a bitch, I hear she thinks you are a slut.....I hear she thinks your forehand is so Marie Jean King...." It was all absurd to hear.
It was nice to talk and socialize with her and her friends. Tim had a great time catching up with his tennis friends. We stayed out really late and both were shattered the next day at our jobs. They reminded me of all the Aussies I met in London. They were so hospitible and direct. I moved out of my apartment in London at the end of November in 2001, and stayed with my aussie friends for a while. My friend Janelle kept my luggage at her place while I stayed in their living room. She lived with 8 people in a house! Those guys were great. I wonder where they are all now? Ms. Tennis invited me out to Wimbildon next year, come see some matches and hangout while she tries to win. Its amazing how differnt we are but how we could still relate to each other. Its funny how at the end of the day, we are all just people with jobs, missing family and loved ones, and like the same electronics. Its just that she has a killer forhand, and I can barely beat chad at tennis.
Happy Birthday Lizzy
To my little niece Aliza who is only 1 years old today....Happy Birthday. When you can actually read this and me and you can have a normal conversation besides the normal screaming and crying you've been doing lately....I'll make sure I buy you something really cool. You sure like posing for the camera, maybe you'll get into photography or something. Anyways, enjoy being 1. Being 1, being 1, isn't this a lot of fun.
