Chapter 12

boys keep swinging

I was reading one of these typical blogs that I read when I'm bored at work and this person had this two way conversation about men and women and just dealing with people. In respose to a girl who was frustrated with questions that she finds every boyfriend bringing forth "in his own insecure, self-protecting way", some guy wrote back the following:

"This particularly masochistic strain of morbid curiosity is a bizarre trait that most of us menfolk seem to have, yes ma'am. Maybe it's a want (need) for comparison, or some unhealthy competitive/possessive impulse that we've all had ingrained in us from growing up in western society.....All that I can definitively say is that sometimes, whether intentionally or not, we sabotage our own happiness. *shrugs*"

This exchange was interesting to read, and also somewhat timely considering conversations I've been having with people. There is this self-protective, self-worth struggle we get into at times. My father has just turned 65, and should be looking forward to retirement. Instead he is dreading it, thinking that not bringing home a check would impact his self worth. I did remind him that when he wasn't working before it wasn't by his own choice and if his mindset was focused on relaxation and enjoying himself, he'd be fine. He's also going to be moving to Michigan again. If he only had a certain skill set he probably could have stayed in chicago. I could hear him beat him self up a little bit over that. He been really sucessfull career wise and has many things to be happy about, but still there is this comparison he does with others as well as his own inability at times to look on the bright side. I'm not saying he's depressive, his constant self-flogging has made him very driven.

Since the main flux of the initial conversation was about relationships, I guess I should comment on that in regards to myself. I like most people have had my share of bad relationships. There was even an "I hate Farhan" website for the hardcore. (Thanks Steven for getting that taken down). My guy friends have also had their fair share of heartache. I guess there is something in us to keep trying after all the ups and downs. No matter where I am in the world, someone out there I know is having relationship problems. Its funny, I supposedly give people decent advice on the matter but lack tons of experience on the subject. At times it seems that fear is the biggest enemey of people who are trying to be comfortable in relationships. Am I doing the right thing? Will I regret this? Am I setting myself up to get hurt? I see others happy, what do they know/do that I'm not getting..? I'm no angel myself, but I did find it interesting that outside in the cyber world, there are other men that complain and point out this condition that maybe heavily prevalent on the Y chromosome. And in regards to fear, sometimes you just need to have some faith in things and in people. You are not in control of every situation or of other people. Just keep an open mind and let things happen.

In recent years I've stopped the whole comparism game in regards to career and place in life with other people. Its just not a line of thought that leads to any resolution and is a complete buzzkill.

My suggestion...If you are sitting around thinking up problems and wondering why X Y and Z are happening and not happening than maybe it time to get busy doing other things. Re-discover old hobbies or activities you've stopped doing before your new found depression. Its like what happened on that show lost. People who were hypokondriacs spent the whole initial days on the island obsessing about their rashes cause they had really nothing else to do. Once they started to play golf, they all started to feel a whole lot better about things...And in regards to relationships, I think you know deep down weather you are in the right one or not. Sometimes its hard to make the right choices. I still wish that the old man from Indiana Jones Last Crusade movie was walking around with me. The little's choices I make he can be there and say "Son, you choose wisely" and that package of pudding i scarfed down has lead me to imortality. Of course I wouldn't want to choose poorly by ordering in dodgy indian food and turn myself into dust because of it. This is my second indiana jones reference this week. I guess this warrants a picture of H. Ford on the blog. Thanks Chad for the picture.

posted by RU ETL @ 2:19 PM